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Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, an up and
  coming gunfighter recognized an elderly man
  standing at the bar who, in his day had the
  reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.
  The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer,
  bought him a drink and told him the story of his
  great ambition. "Do you think you could give me some
  tips?" he asked.
  The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well,
  for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high.
  Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."
  "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the
  young man.
  "Sure will," replied the old-timer..
  The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped
  out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano
  "That's terrific!" said the hot shot. "Got any more
  tips for me?"
  "Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your
  holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you
  a smoother draw."
  "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the
  younger man.
  "You bet it will," said the old-timer.
  The young man took out his knife, cut the notch,
  stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a
  cufflink off the piano player.
  "Wow!" exclaimed the cowboy, "I'm learnin'
  somethin' here. Got any more tips?"
  The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of
  the saloon. "See that axle grease in the can over
  there? Coat your gun with it."
  The young man went over to the can and smeared some
  of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
  "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over
  the gun, handle and all."
  "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the
  young man.
  "No," said the old-timer, "but when Wyatt Earp gets
  done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun
  up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."


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