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Thanks to JLVeer for the Illinois updates!

You live in Arizona when...

1 You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
3. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
4. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
5. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
6. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
7. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
8. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
9. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

You Live in California when...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2 The high school quarterback calls a time out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You Live in New York City when...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
3 You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature,"
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You Live in Maine when...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You Live in the Deep South when...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

You live in Colorado when...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You live in the Midwest when...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

You live in Florida when....

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3 Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

You might live in Illinois if...

If your last governor is headed for prison and the governor before him is already there,
 If your latest US Senator lied to get the job,
 If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March,
 If someone in a store offers you assistance & they don't work there,
 If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead,
 If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
 If your town has an equal number of bars and churches,
 If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a
 wrong number,


 1. Vacation means going north or south on I-55 or I-57 for the weekend.
 2. You measure distance in hours.
 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
 4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard,
 without flinching.
 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and know how to use them.
 9. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
 11. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter,winter, still winter, road construction, &
 It's Hot.
 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your
 blue spruce.
 13. Down south means Missouri to you.
 14. A brat is something you eat.
 15. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
 16.. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
 17. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
 18. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly."
 19. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your
 Illinois friends. (What's not to understand?)


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