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Thanks to Tommy and Evelyn for sending this one!

A police officer pulls over a speeding
  car.
   The officer says,' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'
 
   The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it
  on
   cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. '
 
   Not looking up from her knitting the wife
   says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have
   cruise control.'
 
   As the officer writes out the ticket, the
   driver looks over at his wife and growls,
   'Can't you please keep your mouth shut
  for
   once !! ?'
 
   The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well
   dear you should be thankful your radardetector went off when it did or
   your speed would have been higher.'
 
   As the officer makes out the second
   ticket
   for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and
  says
   through clenched teeth,
   'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'
 
   The officer frowns and says, 'And I
   notice
   that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75
   fine.'
 
   The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see,
   officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that
  I
   could get my license out of my back pocket.'
 
   The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very
   well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat
  belt
   when you're driving.'
 
   And as the police officer is writing out
  the
   third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU
   PLEASE
   SHUT UP??'
 
   The officer looks over at the woman and
   asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'
 
   (I love this part)
 
 
   'Only when he's been drinking .
 

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