For those with no
children - this is totally hysterical!!!!.... For those who
already have children past this age, this is hilarious.... For
those who have children this age, this is not funny... For
those who have children nearing this age, this is a
warning.... For those who have not yet had children, this is
came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I've
learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):
01. A king
size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
02. If you spray
hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
03. A 3-year old
voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
04. If you hook a
dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough
to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a
paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft.
05. You should not
throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
06. The glass in
windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
07. When you hear
the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
08. Brake fluid
mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
09. A six-year old
can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old
man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Lego's
will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and
microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is
13. No matter how
much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on
14. Pool filters do
not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not
eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do
not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas
tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do
not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in
the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like
20. The fire
department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle
on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It
will, however, make cats dizzy.
22. Cats throw up
twice their body weight when dizzy.
The mind of a 6-year
old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One day the first
grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs
to her class. She came to the part of the story where the
first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for
his home. She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with
the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but
may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher
paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man
said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he
said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to
teach for the next 10 minutes.
P.S. 60% of
men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid