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“Only a True Southerner Would Know”

 

 

Jeff Foxworthy stated “you might be a redneck if”, David Letterman has his “top ten list”. I have stumbled upon “Only a True Southerner Would Know”. Harken back to the days when you sat on Granny’s porch, you might remember some of these:

 

  1. Only a true southerner knows how many collards, turnip greens, peas and beans make a “mess”.  Same with caught fish like bream and crappie.  "We're fixin' to cook up a mess of crappie.  Come on over."
  2. Only a true southerner knows exactly how long directly is, as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”
  3. All true southerners, even babies, know “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the granular sweet substance that sits in that bowl on the middle of the table.
  4. Only a true southerner knows that fixin’ can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
  5. Only true southerners grow up knowing the difference between right near and a right far piece. They also know that just down the road can be one mile or 20.
  6. No true southerner would ever assume the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. Or the car with no flashing turn signal is not going to turn.
  7. Only a true southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of fried chicken and a bowl of potato salad. If the neighbor’s got a real crisis they also know to add in a large bowl of banana puddin!
  8. When you hear someone say, “Well I caught myself lookin’…,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine southerner!
  9. Only true southerners say sweet tea and sweet milk. Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it. Sweet milk means you don’t want buttermilk. Like my grandmother used to say: “run up there to Fred Kitchen’s grocery store and get me a gallon of sweet milk.”
  10. Only a true southerner would know how much work a person has to do before becoming, "plumb tuckered out."

 

And my favorite

 

11.  A true southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 mph on the interstate. You just say, “Bless her heart,” and go on your way.

 

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