Stranded          Jokes  /  Man vs. Woman

Thanks to JLVeer for sending this one.  It's pretty long, but worth it!

A retired corporate executive decided to take a vacation. He booked himself
 on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life... until
 the boat sank!
 
 He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing,
 only bananas and coconuts.
 
 After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day, when the most
 gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks
 her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
 
 She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when
 my cruise ship sank."
 
 "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with
 you."
 
 "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found
 on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the
 bottom from palm branch and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus
 tree."
 
 "But, where did you get the tools?"
 
 "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the
 island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I
 fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable,
 ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
 hardware." The guy is stunned.
 
 "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few hours of rowing, she
 docks the boat at a small wharf.
 
 As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls out off the boat. Before him is
 a
 stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
 While
 the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can
 only stare ahead, dumb struck.
 
 As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call
 it home. Sit down, please.
 
 Would you like a drink?"
 
 "No. No, thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut
 juice."
 
 "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a
 Pina Colada?"
 
 Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down
 on her couch to talk.
 
 After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to
 slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and
 shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet."
 
 No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in
 the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
 hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
 "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
 
 When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines and flowers
 strategically positioned, and smelling of gardenias.
 
 She beckons for him to sit down next to her! . "Tell me," she begins
 suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really
 long time.
 
 You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing
 right now, something you've been longing for all these months?" She stares
 into his eyes and takes his hand in hers...
 
 He can't believe what he's hearing. He swallows excitedly, tears start to
 form in his eyes, and he says, "You mean... I can check my e-mail from
 here?"

Jokes  /  Man vs. Woman

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