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Thanks to Keith L. for this one!

Personal Ad Translations

A List of Abbreviations in the "Women Seeking Men" Classifieds:

Code Word: 40-ish
Really Means: 48

Code Word: Adventurous
Really Means: Has had more partners than you ever will

Code Word: Affectionate
Really Means: Possessive

Code Word: Artist
Really Means: Unreliable

Code Word: Athletic
Really Means: Flat chested

Code Word: Average looking
Really Means: Ugly

Code Word: Beautiful
Really Means: Pathological liar

Code Word: Commitment-minded
Really Means: Pick out curtains, now!

Code Word: Communication important
Really Means: Just try to get a word in edge-wise

Code Word: Contagious Smile
Really Means: Bring your penicillin

Code Word: Educated
Really Means: College dropout

Code Word: Emotionally Secure
Really Means: Medicated

Code Word: Employed
Really Means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home

Code Word: Enjoys art and opera
Really Means: Snob

Code Word: Enjoys Nature
Really Means: Bring your own granola

Code Word: Exotic Beauty
Really Means: Would frighten a Martian

Code Word: Feminist
Really Means: Fat; ball buster

Code Word: Financially Secure
Really Means: One paycheck from the street

Code Word: Free spirit
Really Means: Substance user

Code Word: Friendship first
Really Means: Trying to live down reputation as slut

Code Word: Fun
Really Means: Annoying

Code Word: Gentle
Really Means: Comatose

Code Word: Good Listener
Really Means: Borderline Autistic

Code Word: Humorous
Really Means: Caustic

Code Word: Intuitive
Really Means: Your opinion doesn't count

Code Word: In Transition
Really Means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

Code Word: Light drinker
Really Means: Lush

Code Word: Looks younger
Really Means: If viewed from far away in bad light

Code Word: Loves Travel
Really Means: If you're paying

Code Word: Loves Animals
Really Means: Cat lady

Code Word: Mature
Really Means: Will not let you treat her like a farm animal in bed, like last boyfriend did

Code Word: New-Age
Really Means: All body hair, all the time

Code Word: Non-tradional
Really Means: Ex-husband lives in the basement

Code Word: Old-fashioned
Really Means: Lights out, missionary position only

Code Word: Open-minded
Really Means: Desperate

Code Word: Outgoing
Really Means: Loud

Code Word: Passionate
Really Means: Loud

Code Word: Petite
Really Means: Wouldn't stand out in a pack of Munchkins

Code Word: Poet
Really Means: Depressive Schzophrenic

Code Word: Professional
Really Means: Bitch

Code Word: Redhead
Really Means: Shops on the Clairol aisle

Code Word: Reliable
Really Means: Frumpy

Code Word: Reubenesque
Really Means: Grossly Fat

Code Word: Romantic
Really Means: Looks better by candle light

Code Word: Self-employed
Really Means: Jobless

Code Word: Smart
Really Means: Insipid

Code Word: Special
Really Means: Road the short schoolbus

Code Word: Spiritual
Really Means: Involved with a cult

Code Word: Stable
Really Means: Boring

Code Word: Tall, thin
Really Means: Anorexic

Code Word: Tan
Really Means: Wrinkled

Code Word: Voluptuous
Really Means: Very Fat

Code Word: Weight proportional to height
Really Means: Hugely Fat

Code Word: Wants Soulmate
Really Means: One step away from stalking

Code Word: Widow
Really Means: Nagged first husband to death

Code Word: Writer
Really Means: Pompous

Code Word: Young at heart
Really Means: Old Toothless Fogie
   
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