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This is an email exchange I had with a lady in Georgia.  I didn't completely understand what she wanted until a few rounds of questions and answers.  But then I got it.  Okay, I can do this.  Here's how it went, her original question and then my answer:

 I need a red neck suggestion...making a card for a 50th anniversary.
Their adult children are hosting a nice dinner...in Florida.
We are in GA...cannot attend...the "shindig"....
Have a regular greeting on the outside (front) of card.
Then inside a funny picture of the two of us...with those funny buck teeth.
We've recently moved to the hills of Ga (beautiful) but am taking a ribbing about turning country!
Any suggestions?
Joan...in Ellijay, GA

Here's Ted and Joan as, "Billy Bob and Daisy May."

 
Here's what I sent:
 
We're real sorry, but we can't be there for your 50th anniversary celebration.  Our outhouse is running over, and it's an awful mess we have to clean up.  We still need to do that, but we have another real problem.
 
One of our chickens got in the house and pecked the couch and there's fluffy stuff all over the living room.  We chased it back out into the yard, but it ran out on the road and made the sheriff wreck when he swerved to miss it and hit our mailbox.
 
He's got us both in jail, charged with unlawful containment of livestock, whatever that is.  Since our mailbox is gone, we can't get the check from the government, so we can't afford to come down there to start with.
 
Y'all have a good time, and know that we wish we were there.