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Thanks to Mary Lou for sending this one!

        * I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit
        me.
        
        * Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was
        resisting a rest.
        
        * Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
        He's all right now.
        
        * The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
        Cumference.
        
        * To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
        
        * When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
        
        * A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
        
        * A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement and became a
        hardened criminal.
        
        * Thieves who steal corn from a garden are charged with
        stalking.
        
        * We'll never run out of math teachers, because they always
        multiply.
        
        * When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
        
        * The math professor went crazy with the blackboard when he did
        a number on it.
        
        * The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on
        shaky ground.
        
        * Dead batteries were given out free of charge.
        
        * If you take a laptop computer for a run, you could jog your
        memory.
        
        * A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
        
        * A bicycle can't stand alone, because it is two tired.
        
        * The optometrist fell into his lens grinder and made a
        spectacle of himself. (That's a story that lens itself.)
        
        * Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.
        
        * A backward poet writes inverse.
        
        * In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's
        your Count that votes.
        
        * A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
        
        * With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
        
        * Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you
        A-flat miner.
        
        * When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
        
        * The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully
        recovered.
        
        * A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France which resulted
        in Linoleum Blownapart.
        
        * You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
        
        * He broke into song, because he couldn't find the key.
        
        * A boiled egg is hard to beat.
        
        * He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
        
        * His parents thought he was a budding genius, but turned out to
        be a blooming idiot.
        
        * A plateau is a high form of flattery.
        
        * Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in
        the end.
        
        * When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
        
        * When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd
        dye.
        
        * Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
        
        * Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
        
        * Acupuncture is a jab well done.
 

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