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Thanks to Mary Lou for sending this collection!

A friend tells the blonde, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Two blondes find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A woman phones her blonde neighbor and says, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde replies, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
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A blonde is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
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A blonde goes to the vet with her goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," she tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
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A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope, "DO NOT BEND."
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
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A blonde is driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly she has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls her over, so she tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
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A blonde's dog goes missing, and she is frantic. Her husband says, "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
She does, but two weeks later, the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" her husband asks.
She replies, "Here boy!"
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A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"It should be around your neck," says the guard.
"I know," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
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