I used to eat a lot of
natural foods until I learned most people die of natural
Gardening Rule: When
weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and
not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the
ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to
find something lost is to buy a replacement.
Never take life
seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of
pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually
An unbreakable toy is
useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win
, and winners never quit, then who is the fool. who said, "Quit
while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the
slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference
between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Always get the last
word in: Apologize.
Give a person a fish
and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the
Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like
Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't
help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going
to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since
everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing
UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
We should take a
lesson from the weather, it pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax
increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut
saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people
took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and
people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed
to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that
it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless
match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start
AND THE # 1 THOUGHT
FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists --- most of
them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired
visas, some for as long as 10 to 15 years. Now, compare that to
Blockbuster... You are two days late with a video and those
people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of