Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny
Their kind of humor? Not a single swear word in their comic
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you
comfortable? " The man says, "I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife
finds out, she'll kill me!
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it.
The thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife
Calls it the Dead Sea .
My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding
night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and
My Wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for
the estimate. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the Mud fell off.
The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay His
bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came
back." Mrs. Cohen replied, "So did my Arthritis!"
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks,
"Doc, how do I stand? " The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been
brought here for drinking. " The drunk says, "Okay, let's get
The Harvard School of Medicine did a Study of why Jewish women
like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that the reason for
this is because Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it
Graduates from law school.
Q : Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A : Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q : Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror
A : It's called, "Debbie Does Dishes."
Q : Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A : They never let anyone finish a sentence.
A man phoned his mother in Florida . "Mom, how are you?" Not too
good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. " The son said, "Why
are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38
days? " The Mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to
be full in case you should call."
A Jewish man said that when he was growing up, they always had Two
choices for dinner - Take it or leave it.
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a
part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I
play the part of the Jewish husband. " The mother scowls and says,
"Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Q : Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A : Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q : How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A : (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be
a nuisance to anybody."