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1.  Two peanuts walk into a bar.  One was a salted.
 
2.  A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything!"
 
3.  A sandwich walks into a bar.  The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve
food in here!"
 
4.  A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
 
5.  A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A
beer please, and one for the road!"
 
6.  Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.  The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
 
7.  Two cannibals are eating a clown.  One says to the other:  "Does this
taste funny to you?"
 
8.  "Doc, I can't stop singing: 'The green, green grass of home...'"
"Hmmmm," replies the doctor, "Sounds like the Tom Jones syndrome."  "Doc, is
it common?"  "It's not unusual!!!"
 
9.  Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.  Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."  "I don't believe
you," said Dolly.  "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
 
10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.  The kids were nothing to
look at either.
 
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.  One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"  The first replies, "Yes.   I'm
positive...."
 
12. Deja Moo --- the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
 
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
 
14. I went to an all-night seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
 
15. What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.
 
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire to get warm, the kayak sank.  This proves once and for all that you
can't have your kayak and heat it too!!!

17.  Two termites walk into a bar.  One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

18.  A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.  He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"  The doctor replies, "Of course not - I've cut off your arms!"

19.  I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.  He said, "No bet, the steaks are too high."

20.  Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.  And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them.  It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Hop-Sing-Lee.  But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

21.  A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet because the dog's eyes were crossed.  The vet picks up the dog and examines his eyes.  Finally the vet says, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put him down."   The owner asks, "WHY?  Just because his eyes are crossed?"  The vet replied, "No, because he's really heavy."

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