2. A jumper cable walks into a
bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything!"
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve
food in here!"
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab
of asphalt under his arm and says, "A
beer please, and one for the road!"
6. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in
love and get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was
7. Two cannibals are eating a
clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing: 'The
green, green grass of home...'"
"Hmmmm," replies the doctor, "Sounds
like the Tom Jones syndrome." "Doc, is
it common?" "It's not unusual!!!"
9. Two cows are standing next to each
other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated
this morning." "I don't believe
you," said Dolly. "It's true, no
bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an
invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a
bar. One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies, "Yes. I'm
12. Deja Moo --- the feeling that
you've heard this bull before.
13. I went to buy some camouflage
trousers the other day but I couldn't find
14. I went to an all-night seafood
disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
15. What do you call a fish with no
eyes? A fsh.
Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a
fire to get warm, the kayak sank. This
proves once and for all that you
can't have your kayak and heat it
termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
18. A man woke up in a
hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't
feel my legs!" The doctor replies, "Of course not - I've cut off your
19. I went to the butcher's
the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat on the top
shelf. He said, "No bet, the steaks are too high."
20. Apparently, one in five
people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family,
so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad or maybe my
older brother Calvin or my younger brother Hop-Sing-Lee. But I'm pretty
sure it's Calvin.
21. A man takes his
Rottweiller to the vet because the dog's eyes were crossed. The vet
picks up the dog and examines his eyes. Finally the vet says, "I'm
afraid I'm going to have to put him down." The owner asks, "WHY?
Just because his eyes are crossed?" The vet replied, "No, because he's