Dear Redneck Son            Back to Redneck  /  Back Home

Dearest Redneck Son,   
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We   
don't live where we did when you left home.   
Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents  happen within   
20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you   
the address because the last West Virginia family that lived   
here took the house numbers with them when they moved so they wouldn't   
have to change their address.   
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machn. I'm    
not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the   
chain. We haven't seen them since.   
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the   
first time for three days and the second time for four days.   
 About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said    
 
it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on,   
so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.   
 
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really   
worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father   
out.   
Your sisr had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out   
what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.   
The baby looks just like your brother.   
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men   
tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We   
had  him cremated, he burned for three days.   
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch   
was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your   
other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they   
couldn't get the tailgate down.   
 
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the   
normal has happened.   
Your Favorite Aunt,   
 

Mom 

 

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