A Cowboy's Guide to Life Goofy
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*Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
*Your fences need to be horse high, pig
tight, and bull strong.
*Life is not about how fast you run, or
how high you climb, but how well you
*Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at
*Life is simpler when you plow around
*A bumble bee is considerably faster
than a John Deere tractor.
*Words that soak into your ears are
whispered ... not yelled.
*Meanness doesn't just happen
*Forgive your enemies. It messes up
*Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
*Do not corner something that you know
is meaner than you.
*It don't take a very big person to
carry a grudge.
*You canNOT unsay a cruel word...
*Every path has a few puddles.
*When you wallow with pigs, expect to
*The best sermons are lived, not
*Most of the stuff people worry about
ain't never gonna happen anyway...
*Don't squat with your spurs on.
*Don't judge people by their relatives.
*Remember that silence is sometimes the
*Live a good, honorable life. Then
when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
*Don't interfere with something that
ain't botherin' you none.
*Timing has a lot to do with the
outcome of a rain dance.
*It's better to be a has-been than a
*The easiest way to eat crow is while
it's still warm. The colder it gets,
the harder it is to swallow.
*If you find yourself in a hole, the
first thing to do is stop diggin'.
*If it don't seem like it's worth the
effort, it probably ain't.
*It don't take a genius to spot a goat
in a flock of sheep.
*Sometimes you get and sometimes you
*The biggest troublemaker you'll
probably ever have deal with ... watches
you shave his face in the mirror every
morning (... watches you put on
eyeshadow and lipstick on her face in
the mirror every morning).
*If you get to thinkin' you're a person
of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
*Don't worry about bitin' off more'n
you can chew; your mouth is probably a
whole lot bigger'n you think.
*Only cows know why they stampede.
*Always drink upstream from the herd.
*If you're ridin' ahead of the herd,
take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still with ya.
*Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lotta that comes from bad
*Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a
whole lot easier than puttin' it back
*You can't tell how good a man or a
watermelon is 'till they get thumped'.