A Cowboy's Guide to Life       Goofy Stuff  /   Back to Lists  /  Back Home

*Don't name a pig you plan to eat.
*Your fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.
*Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you
*Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
*A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
*Words that soak into your ears are whispered ... not yelled.
*Meanness doesn't just happen overnight.
*Forgive your enemies.  It messes up their heads.
*Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.
*Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
*It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
*You canNOT unsay a cruel word...
*Every path has a few puddles.
*When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
*The best sermons are lived, not preached.
*Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway...
*Don't squat with your spurs on.
*Don't judge people by their relatives.
*Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
*Live a good, honorable life.  Then when you get older and think back,
you'll enjoy it a second time.
*Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
*Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
*It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.
*The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.  The colder it gets,
the harder it is to swallow.
*If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
*If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
*It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
*Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got!
*The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have deal with ... watches
you shave his face in the mirror every morning (... watches you put on
eyeshadow and lipstick on her face in the mirror every morning).
*If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.
*Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a
whole lot bigger'n you think.
*Only cows know why they stampede.
*Always drink upstream from the herd.
*If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to
make sure it's still with ya.
*Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad
*Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back
*You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped'.
"Never, never ... miss a good opportunity to shut up!

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