Because I'm a Man         Man vs. Woman  /    Back Home

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a
wire coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If
another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be
able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't, know where to start."
We will then drink beer.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup
and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You
never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at
the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic
items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And
never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
"feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys, cumin is a

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will
insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put it back

Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand
while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole
show looking for it (though once I was mistaken & tried to change
channels by holding a calculator).

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have to make up
something else when you ask, so don't ask.

Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your
mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her
any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay;
I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my
mother, too.

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what
you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes
is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the

This has been a public service message for Women to better understand
the Male


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