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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
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The cop got out of his car and the kid he stopped for speeding rolled
down the window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop sneered. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He drives past a sign that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he thinks about it, the bridge is right ahead of him.  After a huge noise, his truck is wedged under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car shows up. The cop gets out of his car, walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "SOOO, you got stuck, did ya?" The truck driver shot back, "No, of course not.  I was trying to deliver this bridge, but I ran out of gas."

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Some friends were visiting a blonde's house when the blonde introduced them to her two dogs, Timex and Rolex.  One of the friends asked, "Who would ever give dogs names like that?"

The bl;onde replied, "HELLooooooooooooooo....?!...They're watch dogs."

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A man got a call from the garage where his car was being serviced.  "I'm sorry to bother you, but one of our mechanics locked the keys inside your car.  He's not very bright, to tell the truth.  Can you come over here and unlock the door for us?  I hope you have another key."  The man pulled up in the parking lot and saw the mechanic prying and pulling with a jimmy tool on the driver's side door.  He walked up to the car and noticed right away that the lock was "up" on the passenger side.  He casually went and opened the passenger's door.  The mechanic growled, "Yeah, yeah I know, I've already done that side."

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A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John"
letter from his girlfriend back home.  It read as follows:

Dear John:
I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since
you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please
return the picture of me that I sent to you.
Love, Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any
snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends,
aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky,
John included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected
from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:

Dear Becky:
I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your
picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.
Take Care,
John

 

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