To Keep A Healthy Level
1. At lunch time, sit
in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a blow dryer at
passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over
the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone
asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage
can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the
coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their
caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field
of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
7. Finish all your
sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Don't use any
9. As often as
possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what
sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your
drive-through order is "to go."
12. Sing along at the
13. Go to a poetry
recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito
netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all
15. Five days in
advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because
you're not in the mood.
16. Have your
coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money
comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won" 3rd time this
18. When leaving the
zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling "run for your
lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children
over dinner, "due to the economy, we are going to have to let
one of you go."
20. And last -
we've seen this one done....it's hilarious....at Christmas time
at the mall, when traffic is at its worst. Come OUT of the
mall, and then stand beside one of the cars parked right up
front, next to the handicapped spaces. Take your car keys
out and play with them like you're fixing to unlock the car.
Watch everybody back up and position themselves to take that
place. When gridlock is obvious and tempers flare, put
your keys back up and keep walking to where your car is parked a
quarter mile away.